Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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