dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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