I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
