oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im holly from the hills drunk
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
