If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
