i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
