I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
