I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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