that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
