i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
A+ Viking dick
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