THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
