Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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