I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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