all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
