I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
