I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
no, he came in my armpit
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Randomize
