Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
