You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
