he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
