just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
