im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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