All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
