I wannas sexs uuuuu
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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