Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
