My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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