i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
