I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
