When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
