it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
