I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
