alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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