just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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