oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The air was thick with penises
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
