xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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