I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
