so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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