I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
