I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dignity is for republicans.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
