If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
