Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
