I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
