remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
