false alarm. still invincible.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize