I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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