I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
