Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
