see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
