pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
