He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
