You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
