oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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