it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
