Grow some girl-balls and come out already
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
