I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
