And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
