it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
