you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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