literally had 100 drinks last night.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
