There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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