i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize