Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
