do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
