Screwed.edu
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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