he thought i was a dude.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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