my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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