How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All the doctor said was why
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
