took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize