So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
