Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
