i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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