I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
