you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
