I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
