Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
