Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
