i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
