I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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