So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
