when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
