i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
