I think I died a long time ago.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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