Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
