You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize