Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
