Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
