then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
