my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Your mouth is God's brothel.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
