Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
