I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
