Your face is a jimmy john
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
