Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
