i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
