Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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