You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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