Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
